The Jambar Column: What should Tressel’s costume be?

Pictured: Mac Pomeroy. Photo Courtesy of Mac Pomeroy

By Mac Pomeroy

Spooky season is here for those of you who celebrate Halloween. Along with that comes tricks, treats and often costumes. Now, I am sure that all of you have your costumes already picked out and are going to look great. However, as pointed out by our editorial team, you know who probably doesn’t have his costume selected?

Youngstown State University President Jim Tressel.

With everything going on with campus, it has been brought to our attention that the president of our university probably has not had time to plan his Halloween costume. So, to make the process easier for him, I am going to make a list of suggestions.

My first suggestion for his costume would be a statue. Now, there are many statues on campus of various esteemed figures, so he would blend right in. 

To do this, he would need to simply paint himself and his clothes bronze. If he wanted to go more detailed, he could make areas like the hands or knees silver, to show some wear. To really play the role, all he needs to do is stand still in random places throughout the day.

My next suggestion is a bit more complicated, and I’ll leave the construction up to him. Perhaps a statue may seem a bit stale, so instead he can go as something more current: a bottle of hand sanitizer. This would take a bit more of a calculated execution, but he could help encourage good hygiene and cleaning habits while looking stylish. 

A third suggestion is Abraham Lincoln. Given that he is the president of the university, it is only fitting that he goes as one of the most well-known presidents of the United States. All he needs is a top hat, a beard and a suit.

Usually, I would just give three suggestions and end it there, but instead I will add a fourth suggestion for Tressel. Given all the work he does around campus to continue building it up, maybe a construction worker would be a good fit. Get a hard hat, a vest, maybe some fake tools. That would be a really funny costume, but also the most functional for the day.

Who knows what he’ll go as? These are just my suggestions. But, I hope he takes my advice and dresses up for the holiday.