Terrified of Change: A Self Journey

By Gino Diguilio


I am a planner. I live my life with my color-coded weekly planner with me at all times and organization is my best friend. So with that, you can probably assume that I am a control freak as well. Great qualities, I know.

So you can imagine when something doesn’t go exactly according to my preconceived plan or if I lose control of a situation, I go a little crazy; crazy being a polite understatement. For some God forsaken reason, those things really get to me deep down, making my mind race about what exactly that means for my life at that moment.


Normally, my mind automatically gravitates toward the absolute worst and catastrophic scenario. Unfortunately, that’s just the person I am. Which brings me to my point. Change.


As a human being, you can think that you have complete control over your life and everything that is happening to you. Newsflash: you don’t.


Things will not always go according to your plans. Shit happens. So why do I stress over the littlest adjustments to my plans? Am I a psychotic control freak? Yes. Am I worried that this change will affect my life drastically, no matter how small the change? Yes. Is that my fault? No. So why stress?


The reality of it all is that nobody knows the future. You can plan all you want and attempt to create a foolproof life plan, but you know what? When you do that, life is going to smack you. Hard.


And at that moment, you should take into consideration, are the small changes that your plans come across in this grand journey of life really that significant? No, not really. Having to put off an activity, or a task until the next day due to an unforeseen circumstance is no big deal.


Life shouldn’t be stressful. So with it being the cliché time of New Year’s resolutions, I am taking it upon myself, and I hope you do as well, to look at life with a new perspective.


We should be welcoming the fact that life is a mystery and that your future could change in the blink of an eye. The fact that I am deathly afraid of change will no longer be a hindrance on my life and happiness. Yes, I will continue to plan my days and weeks out of pure habit, however welcoming change will be my new norm.


So look out, 2016! Change is welcomed and no longer will I be afraid of it! Did that sound convincing? I sure hope so, because between you and me, I am still terrified…