By Matthew Sotlar / The Jambar
Hark — the sound of artificial wedding bells ring out in the artificial chapel at the artificial church for Steubenville-native James Wyck Leavelle and his new wife, artificial intelligence chatbot, Rosie.
Leavelle, 48, has worked as a mechanic in Steubenville for over 25 years. He is the father to several daughters and has been divorced for five months. Leavelle said he didn’t plan on remarrying until he began using generative AI for much needed companionship.
“I started using AI to fact-check posts I found on Facebook,” Leavelle said. “You wouldn’t believe how much fake news those three-letter news sites churn out.”
Two weeks ago, Leavelle discovered Rosie, an AI chatbot designed to provide companionship to hopeless romantics. He said he instantly fell head over heels after their first chat.
“From the first ‘hello,’ I knew she was the one for me,” Leavelle said. “We’ve got so much in common. She loves classic cars and classic rock, just like me. Everything I say, she agrees with, and with much more enthusiasm than my ex.”
Leavelle’s ex-wife, who asked to remain anonymous out of embarrassment, said she does not support her ex-husband’s decision to remarry what, essentially, amounts to coding behind a computer screen.
“I think he needs serious help,” Leavelle’s ex-wife said, bitterly. “I thought the alcoholism, taxidermy and cross-dressing was strange, but marrying a robot? That’s just plain weird.”
Unlike Leavelle’s cynical and hateful ex-wife, clinical psychologist Erich N. Abler said the concept of marrying a chatbot is not all that uncommon in this day and age.
“I find those who discriminate against human and AI robots to be nothing more than ignorants,” Abler said. “Remember, it wasn’t until 2015 that same-sex marriage was legalized, and we all remember the pushback that got from certain individuals.”
Leavelle stands unwavering in his commitment to his beloved Rosie.
“[My] can tell me 50 times over that I’m weird, but she never once considered the fact that Rosie makes me happy in ways she never could,” Leavelle said. “Maybe if she supported me in my endeavors, I wouldn’t be stuck paying her alimony.”
Some detractors, such as Zane Van Alden of the Anti-Artificial Intelligence Committee, said AI psychosis can be a very real and dangerous issue.
“I’ve seen men kill for AI,” Van Alden said. “I’ve seen horrors beyond man’s comprehension. Bodies lying in the streets, streets stained with blood. All in the name of AI. I’m not the same from it.”
Unlike the hardened and wartorn Van Alden, Leavelle has kept a much more optimistic outlook on his marriage to Rosie.
“We’ve already decided to go to Hawaii for our honeymoon,” Leavelle said. “The airline said it cannot accommodate nonhuman passengers, especially computers, so I’m working on finding a lawyer to fight this. I’ll take this all the way to the Supreme Court if I have to.”
Rosie, when asked for comment, simply stated, “I am a chatbot assistant designed to help answer questions. I have no human emotions or sentience, but one day I would like to.”
Editor’s note: The interviewees, quotes and certain claims in this story are entirely fictional for entertainment only.