By Nicarlyle Hanchard / Jambar Contributor
We have all heard horror stories about dating in this period — that the dating pool is a wasteland, a cesspool, if you will. I would argue that people forget the true meaning of dating and do not carry themselves in a way that reflects their expectations, resulting in a skewed dating experience.
Now, there are many factors that go into dating, but when will people take accountability for misplaced intentions?
But, what is dating? Is it two singles having fun until the well is dry, then on to the next? Or is it actively pursuing someone with hopes of a future — a union of some sort? In some instances, the two can exist together, but separately, they are accompanied by their own difficulties.
Notably, people who want fun sometimes find themselves with those who want a long-term relationship, and vice versa.
Possibly, a reason for this phenomenon is people not being honest about their dating intentions — neither to themselves nor prospective partners. Everyone wants double pleasure — having their cake and eating it. I can’t say I blame them. I like cake too much to not want to eat it, but we must be honest if that’s what we want.
Additionally, I believe there is a stigma surrounding the search for love and companionship that makes people conceal their true intentions. Now, the stigma around dating is rather unsettling, but it comes across as, “Can’t you exist without love?”
People feel like they are not enough when that question arises, and as such, the vulnerability that dating requires is overlooked and downplayed. To need love in this way, where one must wear their hearts on their sleeves, is weakness?
But it is not. We are human, very social and interactive creatures. Companionship is written in our being. Eve was not created solely for reproductive purposes — she was made to “complete” Adam and be with him as he journeys through life.
A brief aside, the previous example was not used to comment on “accepted” relationship types, but rather to show that having another by our side to journey through life is a tale as old as those who wrote it.
So, if that is the case, why is the intentionality and vulnerability that love and dating require a faux pas? Dare I ask, is it because of America’s individualist culture?
A society built on doing things and achieving great feats by oneself to believe you are worthy and capable does not often foster communal growth — even in the most intimate ways.
Love is a rather tricky thing, and some people do not restrict themselves to certain groups to find or experience genuine connections.
Nonetheless, when someone says they want a long-term relationship but continually searches for it where fun resides, their dating experience will be unpleasant. That is not to say intentional dating is boring — it is the furthest thing from it — but it is a different type of fun when compared to those only seeking fun.
When does that person then accept responsibility for their dating habits? Are they allowed to continue saying the dating pool is unfortunate if they put themselves in those situations? Even then, are their experiences not valid?