By Matthew Sotlar / The Jambar
Boo! Did I scare you? I apologize if I did, but I’m just so excited for Halloween. That’s a lie, actually, holidays don’t excite me like they used to. Anyway, I’ll stop being bitter so we can talk about Halloween, and the even scarier election five days afterward.
First off, I’m no Scrooge, I do like some holidays. I like Christmas and Thanksgiving, but that’s the extent for me. Halloween was fun when I was a kid getting candy from strangers. Y’know, the one thing my parents told me not to do? Yeah well, Halloween was an exception.
Did I buy a costume this year? No, too expensive. I considered buying a stencil kit and hazmat suit and going as one of the guys from Devo, but my internal accountant told me that would be a needless investment. Instead, I bought a Culture Club T-shirt, a more proper, sane investment.
One thing I’ve noticed is, there’s no real Halloween music. Yeah, there’s that godawful “Monster Mash” song and I guess “She Blinded Me With Science” counts, but you’ll never hear a Wham! song about last Halloween.
I’ve got a few friends who enjoy dressing up and going down the bars to party for Halloweekend. If I ever start acting like that, assume “The Thing” has taken over my body. I love my friends, but they’d need a cavalry of wild horses to drag me to a Halloween party again.
Speaking of “The Thing,” there’s a great deal of good scary movies out there for Halloween. Look over about seven inches to the editorial to find out which ones we like. Instead, I’ll give you some good scary book recommendations. Just Google “Stephen King,” and you’re set. I recommend “Salem’s Lot” and “Misery,” which are also both movies, naturally.
Even more terrifying is the election. Yeah, that’s right, I’m going to do it. I’m going to talk about the election. We’re at a crossroads at what may be the most consequential election in American history, and that’s twenty times scarier than any movie on the market, excluding “Insidious,” of course.
Both sides have flaws, and I’ll agree with that. Kamala Harris was thrown into the race suddenly after President Joe Biden dropped out in July, and Donald Trump is running alongside Ohio’s own JD Vance. If you told me ten years ago that Donald Trump was running for president, I’d tell you to shut up and give me back my Legos.
I’m not here to tell you who to vote for, that’s your business. I believe everyone has the right to vote for the candidate they feel is right. Instead, all I ask that you do is go out and vote.
Not to sound like Hank Hill, but voting is the foundation for America’s greatness. We only get to vote for a president every four years, so why miss out? You can go out now and vote. Right now, put down the paper and go vote! Nov. 5 isn’t Election Day, it’s the day the election ends.
If you decide to go out tonight, be safe. Don’t take drinks or food from strangers. Better yet, just avoid strangers altogether. Lastly, Nov. 5 is coming quickly. Get out and vote, it’s quick, totally painless and every American’s duty.
